Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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