Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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