Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
