i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
