i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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