i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
