2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
