Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
