i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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