Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
