My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
