Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
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Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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