what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
