You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
