He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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