im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell