My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol