his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already