Can Purell be used as lube?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.