just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.