you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
