My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
