I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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