i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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