My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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