she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
