I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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