I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
