whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
