He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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