My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
