Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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