Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
