i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
