Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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