when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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