guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
