I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
