none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
