What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
