I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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