Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
