What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
