i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
