She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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