When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?