Do you still have your period?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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