Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.