So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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