i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
