theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
