sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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