I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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