I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
