I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
