Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
