theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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