Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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