I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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