garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
