Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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