And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
