Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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