Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
