I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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