Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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