It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
