You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
