Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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