It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
