if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
