Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
