she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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