he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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