...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
