There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
