OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
