I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
