eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
