we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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