She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
