Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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